It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! But what if they aren’t happy? What if they are just holidays?
I never thought I would still be alive - not to mention being here - in this town - in this house, having to manage my life, let alone trying to have happy holidays.
For decades, I have struggled and battled with depression and suicidal ideations. I have landed in the hospital multiple times. A few years ago, my holidays were spent admitted to the psychiatric hospital. The thoughts just roll: What am I doing here? What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to be? How can I plan for a future when I can’t even envision next week?
Deep Breaths.
Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale…
Try to focus on today...Inhale…Exhale…if today is too big and feels too vast; let’s try to focus on this hour...Inhale…Exhale…or this minute...Inhale…Exhale…
Try to remember these things when the panic attack starts to creep in:
5 things you see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Another deep breath in and try to start again.
Life does not need to be planned out. Let’s just get through this hour. This day.
I am reminded of a song from a holiday classic: “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” – Put One Foot in Front of The Other, sung by Keenan Wynn and Mickey Rooney.
“If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well, don’t be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand.”
Please know that you are not alone. These holidays are just days. Some of them will be happy holidays, some will be holidays and others will just be days. Whichever they are for you, remember that it is ok to take it one moment at a time.
~Ms. Renda